Chapter Seventeen
DISPUTING
Radical Self-Love
What Do We Achieve from Arguments
A Glance at the Words of Leaders
Coveting material things is a
basic human nature. It is an instinct that was implemented in man on the day he was born.
It is the motive which allows him to struggle continuously and preserve himself. As a
result of this instinct, we notice that man avoids that which harms him and is attracted
by advantageous matters. Therefore, he is a hostage of the psychological phenomenon when
he advances. This phenomenon plays a great role in advancing the level of human
civilization.
Yet, human happiness can only be
achieved if men when struggling towards it, protect themselves from immoderation and
carelessness; and at the same time refrain from the slavery of wants. Thereupon, in order
for one to fulfill the needs of his instincts in an appropriate manner, wherein
praiseworthy traits and excellent morals can develop, he must use his reason in every
field of life. This is because reason guides man not his instincts. Reason is what
prevents instincts from both excessiveness and under development. It is the element which
makes us face the realities of truth and falsehood. The power of reason, which has the
greatest duty in developing man's personality, is what possess the ability to protect us
from going astray and grants us scrutiny in our affairs.
If the instinct of self-love
violates the limits of moderation and ventures into the territory of extravagance, it
adversely affects man's reasoning system; hence preventing him from realizing the
realities of life. Those who fall victim to such a disorder will eventually drown in the
swamp of misguidance and corruption. Yet, the said instinct can be criticized for its
harmfulness only when it is within the boundaries of extravagance. Therefore, the only
goal of criticizing self-love is to point out the disadvantages of allowing this instinct
to violate the limits of reason.
Both the success and failure of
an individual correlate to their spiritual and moral condition. Moral disorders, which are
spread through various stages of life, often .stem from problems that arise form our
unruly and unjustifiable wants.
Man has been given abundant
talents and capabilities. Everyone has the power to follow his authentic and reasonable
affection. Nevertheless, it is apparent that nothing is more of a harder for man than to
adjust his instincts or wants-including self-love, conceit and arrogance.
Therefore, we are compelled to
make more of an effort to adjust this instinct or we will be unable to adopt excellent
manners. Without self-control, we can not lead an acceptable and praiseworthy life.
Success in social behavior
directly relates to certain rules which we must learn and build our conduct upon. For
man's role in his relationships with others and his knowledge of the limits of his duties
are among the issues which are determinative to his/her misery or happiness.
The need for harmony and
establishing relationships is a trait deeply implemented in man's nature. Everyone is
inclined to love and harmony; hence resents loneliness and secludedness. However, unless a
person reaches peace of mind and soul, he will be incapable of living in peace with
others, or with himself.
Peace, harmony and cooperation
are essential factors for a healthy and peaceful social life; and respecting other's
rights and feelings is the first condition to be observed in the art on constructive
interaction. In this case, interpersonal relationships enjoy strength and continuity.
Those who lack the foresaid traits are naturally deprived of balanced relationships with
others, and the basis of love and harmony are weakened in them. They can not, under the
circumstances, keep their relationships with others at an acceptable level.
One of the evil traits which
severely hurts the feelings of others and destroys the ties of love between people is
disputing with them. Arguing individuals should realize that excessive self-love is one of
the main factors which create this evil trait; it grows only when irrigated by the flow of
this treacherous instinct.
A disputatious person, in order
to quench the thirst of his conceit, opposes every opinion that may be brought up in any
gathering, not to present a righteous idea or eradicate a mistaken concept, but to destroy
his opponent's personality by false accusations. He attempts to create a sense of false
excellence for himself by doing so. Such a person might conceal his aims under exclamatory
or wondering vocabulary. In this manner, the disputatious looses the spirit of a just
judge, and dares to commit all kinds of oppression and encroachments upon other's rights.
Furthermore, the opponent's
reaction, in this case, should not be disregarded for when an individual's pride is
violated, it is inevitable that he reacts to the cause. Therefore, he may exploit the
appropriate opportunity to revenge, using all his powers to do so. Thus, if this trait is
widespread in any given nation, it can result in disunity in both the way of thinking and
the manner of conduct.
A scholar commented on this
subject by saying:
"Reason is a shinning light
that guides mankind away from the darkness of ignorance and relieves him from his
problems. We boast about the fact that we are the only creatures to possess reason saying
that with reason we have come to understand matters, their causes, results, and their
relations to other entities. Yet, woe unto us if we attempt to unveil the truth by means
of discussion and argumentations; for disputing results is nothing save mental anxiety.
Disputing also reveals the ignorance of the disputants and their errors in scientific
fields; it never changes the way others think nor makes them adopt our ideologies.
Islam has closely considered all
aspects of social life, and scrutinized every element of love and harmony, hence it
strongly condemns all that creates dissention among Muslims and shakes the foundation of
their unity. The leaders of religion have shown their followers how to follow the path of
purity and protect their hearts from the filth of all obscurities.
The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.)
said:
"It is a virtue that a man
listens to his brother when the latter .speaks to him".
Nahj al-Fasahah p. 633
Imam Baqir (A.S.) said:
"...And learn good listening
just as you learn good speech; and do not interrupt another's words."
The leaders of religion have
repeatedly criticized disputation, and reminded people of its evil results up to the point
that they prohibited their followers from disputations even in righteous issues.
Imam Sadiq (A.S.) said:
"A worshipper does not reach
the essence of belief until he abandons boasting even when right."
Safinah al-Bihar v,.2, p. 522
No one becomes victorious in the
arena of disputation. Imam Hadi (A.S.) gave the following advice to those who advocate
defeating their opponents by means of disputation:
"Boasting ruins
long-standing relationships; ends strong relations, and the least of its evils is
competition (trying to excel over one's foes), and competition is the main (factor in)
alienation."
Dr. Dale Carnegie wrote:
"In every ten verbal
disputes, the disputant comes out in nine out of ten cases believing more in their
opinions and claiming that their opponents are wrong. There is not a winner in these
disputes where the one defeated runs away. Yes, you crack your fingers in happiness over
your victory; but you think about the condition of your opponent! You made him feel
ignorant and hurt his feelings leaving a scar on his heart.
"Disputing is an
inappropriate way to convince others, and to influence the way that other's think. In
fact, there is no relationship between convincing and disputing, nor can misunderstandings
be removed by disputing. Selected advice and a peaceful approach are the elements needed
in this case. It is incumbent on man to sympathize with his opponent." The
Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) said:
"Avoid bragging for the lack
of its goodness; and avoid bragging for its advantages are few and it instigates enmity
between brothers."
A famous doctor once said:
"There are not many
advantages to disputing. The intention for the disputant can turn on the side of his foe,
for feelings can erupt during arguments. No matter how calm conversations are. they still
have adverse affects on the opponent's heart. Thus, whenever we attempt to outsmart him he
insists on his opinion. One word can destroy a love relationship forever. Furthermore,
disputes never cause others to adopt our way of thinking."
Dar Jostojui Kushbakhti
Disputants always have a sense of
anxiety in their hearts.
Imam Sadiq (A.S.) said:
"Avoid disputing for it
occupies the heart. results in hypocrisy, and creates hard feelings."
Usul al-Kafi v. l1 p. 452
Therefore, by observing the
divine Islamic teachings we can pave the way for ourselves to create a spiritual
revolution in our spiritual characteristics in an attempt achieve excellent human morals-
Allah is the Best Helper and on Him do we depend.
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